If you’re like me, you’ve experienced sadness in your life. Loss has caused me to overcompensate throughout my life by trying to be in control. I am safe when I’m in control. This chapter of life has proven, that I am not in control! We all have felt this over the past two years! 

Our families, school systems, and governments are changing daily. Every area of our lives is being challenged. I am pulled in many directions throughout the day. I heard on the radio, “If God feels far away it’s because you moved. He never moves!”

When I decide to be in control, I’m moving off course by myself because I think I know best. It’s like riding with a person who thinks they know where they are going when you know they haven’t got a clue. If you’re taking control, you are that driver! 

I encourage everyone to be honest and talk with God. Tell Him you’re scared, you’re frustrated, or how you don’t know if He’s real. I promise God can handle all your words! 

God sees the whole picture for our lives. However, I only see what my eyes can see. As a child of divorces and disfunction, I am re-wiring my brain at 35 years old.

I was forced into maturity at an early age. I didn’t play with Barbies. I refused to play with anything that required an imagination because I was in control and couldn’t spare being sidetracked by a false reality. I’m learning I am safe with Jesus. I have to mentally stay with him throughout my day. 

I’m a few decades past my childhood but childhoods often follow you into adulthood. Now at 35 years old, I am faced with the question, “If I believe God is in control, why do I think I need to be in control?”

I’m sorry to tell you I don’t have an answer for you. I am a work in progress. Daily, I am surrendering my need for control. I have to lay that topic down about 25x an hour. It’s absolutely uncomfortable.

Sometimes releasing control is me holding my tongue. “Do I really need to say that?  Are my words life-giving or am I speaking evil?”

I can feel sick and scared as I surrender. I have experienced anxiety as I’m releasing my control. The simplest tasks make me feel unsettled.

Example: I sat in the passenger seat when we were going to be late for church. I wanted to drive. My handsome hubby adores the fields, sky, and random animals that distract him. Ha…I’ll leave it at that, but it was a “small yet mighty” way I was surrendering. It doesn’t matter the size of the surrender; it is a ginormous act to lay control down. 

Wherever you find yourself on the spectrum of control, you’re not alone! This is a journey! 

Remember God never changes or gets depleted. Hebrews 13:8 (NIV) says, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” He is with us at every moment. Ask Him, “What do I need to let go of today?” Then let go and let God. It is tough to surrender but God is tougher!  

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.”  Psalms 46:1 (NIV)