Nothing Is Permanent

Amanda Book

April 25, 2022

If you’re like me, you’ve experienced sadness in your life. Loss has caused me to overcompensate throughout my life by trying to be in control. I am safe when I’m in control. This chapter of life has proven, that I am not in control! We all have felt this over the past two years! 

Our families, school systems, and governments are changing daily. Every area of our lives is being challenged. I am pulled in many directions throughout the day. I heard on the radio, “If God feels far away it’s because you moved. He never moves!”

When I decide to be in control, I’m moving off course by myself because I think I know best. It’s like riding with a person who thinks they know where they are going when you know they haven’t got a clue. If you’re taking control, you are that driver! 

I encourage everyone to be honest and talk with God. Tell Him you’re scared, you’re frustrated, or how you don’t know if He’s real. I promise God can handle all your words! 

God sees the whole picture for our lives. However, I only see what my eyes can see. As a child of divorces and disfunction, I am re-wiring my brain at 35 years old.

I was forced into maturity at an early age. I didn’t play with Barbies. I refused to play with anything that required an imagination because I was in control and couldn’t spare being sidetracked by a false reality. I’m learning I am safe with Jesus. I have to mentally stay with him throughout my day. 

I’m a few decades past my childhood but childhoods often follow you into adulthood. Now at 35 years old, I am faced with the question, “If I believe God is in control, why do I think I need to be in control?”

I’m sorry to tell you I don’t have an answer for you. I am a work in progress. Daily, I am surrendering my need for control. I have to lay that topic down about 25x an hour. It’s absolutely uncomfortable.

Sometimes releasing control is me holding my tongue. “Do I really need to say that?  Are my words life-giving or am I speaking evil?”

I can feel sick and scared as I surrender. I have experienced anxiety as I’m releasing my control. The simplest tasks make me feel unsettled.

Example: I sat in the passenger seat when we were going to be late for church. I wanted to drive. My handsome hubby adores the fields, sky, and random animals that distract him. Ha…I’ll leave it at that, but it was a “small yet mighty” way I was surrendering. It doesn’t matter the size of the surrender; it is a ginormous act to lay control down. 

Wherever you find yourself on the spectrum of control, you’re not alone! This is a journey! 

Remember God never changes or gets depleted. Hebrews 13:8 (NIV) says, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” He is with us at every moment. Ask Him, “What do I need to let go of today?” Then let go and let God. It is tough to surrender but God is tougher!  

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.”  Psalms 46:1 (NIV)

About the Author: Amanda Book

A friend who is embracing her God-given gifts while on the adventures of marriage, motherhood, and life!

1 Comment

  1. Linda Patches

    Thanks for sharing this.

    Reply

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